Excuse me, is this spot taken....

Yes, yes it is. I'm talking about that spot on your left ring-finger usually reserved for a very specific purpose and for one type of jewelry in particular. I must admit, I spent a lot of time looking at that empty spot, occasionally browsing the Tiffany's website or the costume jewelery section of wal-mart trying to find that one ring that will look just right. Truth is, I never really found the perfect fit. I had imagined a square cut diamond with a halo....or a tear-drop shaped something or other. Everything looked ok, but nothing looked right. I suppose it's because of everything having a ring on that finger represents. A lifelong commitment, your belonging to someone, them choosing to spend their life with you. Somehow all that pressure taints the actual ring itself...especially since it's not the other person getting a ring FOR you....it's you pretending like a fool...searching for something. THAT's why nothing fits, nothing is quite right, nothing you put on that finger is fulfilling.

However, when you are given a ring...one that you normal wouldn't ever consider whilst browsing all the displays at "People's jewelers"...and the only finger it DOES fit on is that spot. Well then, you have no choice really. But in that case it really doesn't matter that the stone has imperfections, that the halo has a couple of diamonds out of place. What matters is what that ring represents. The love with which it was given, the sincerity with which it was bought. THAT is what makes it right.

That being said. I have this ring on my finger, it's not silver in colour, it's not a diamond, it's not square cut...but it is beautiful, it was given with love and it absolutely makes me fulfilled in every way. It reminds me that I have someone who will love me forever and that I don't ever need to go searching for love anywhere else. It's a perfect fit and I never take it off. So it will take a hell of a lot to replace it with something else. Thanks mom, I love it. <3



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putting yourself out there...and finding where you belong.

SO....I'm getting to about that age where my friends are slowly getting hitched two-by-two...Although I'm not quite there in my life yet, I couldn't be happier for all of them...but particularly my friend Ashley. She is marrying a terrific man who treats her the way she deserves to be treated...and also she is BLOGGING about it! Brave girl that one. I suppose the reason I am so thankful that she is blogging is because one day when/if I get married, I have a wonderful reference. GO GIRL! Check it out ya'll

http://myweddingadventure.net/

::former loves, past regrets, new love, new hope::

For some reason I haven't been able to get to sleep or stay asleep for the last week or so. My mind hasn't been filled with worry about anything really. Nor have I been feeling particularly lonely. Two things which usually keep me up in the night. In fact, I have finally come to a point where I can be alone and not feel lonely at all...what is this strange state of happiness?! Because I'm a known glutton for punishment, I decided to fill my insomniac time by browsing old emails, chats and pictures. I'm realizing that the mind's ability to forget the past is amazing.

My good friends know that for me, a break-up usually involves a ritual. I cry intensely about it for about 20 minutes, call up my girls, get ridiculous at some dance place, wallow in absolute pity for about a week and then spend 8 months to a year getting over it and then finally round it all up by completely forgetting the guy ever existed....up till now it's worked pretty well for me. Unfortunately, with the advent of social networking, messaging etc etc. You can't really just delete a person from your life.

I don't know what compelled me, but I began reading through old conversations with former boyfriends/former could-have-but-never-happened-friends....I was surprised to find my reaction to all of these was regret. I always though I lived my life without regret....but I guess as I'm getting older, my wisdom is telling me that maybe there are things I should be regretting.....it's not that I question why I ever began these relationships/pseudo-relationships...it's more the fact that I fell so quickly and fell so hard and wasted so much of my time mourning the loss of it. If I knew what I knew now about love, I would have never wasted my time waiting for:

- you to put me before yourself
- you to stop using me
- your actions to match your words
- you to figure out if you really like me or not
- you to realize you'll never find another girl like me
- you to get the guts to ask me out

Instead, I wish I would've spent more time with my family, chosen friendship over my relationship at the time, and spent my time being happy instead of miserable.

I suppose in the end it's actulally being blissfully happy that causes one to regret....not that the relationships happened....but that the happiest moments--which were supposed to make the suffering worth it--weren't even really "happy" at all. At least not when it comes to how I am now, it hardly scratches the surface!

So what can I conclude?....this feeling of blissful happiness is to know that I have a wonderful family who really loves me, and friends who mean as much to me as family. Being truly in love--the kind where suffering goes away when you're together--is just the cherry on top. I think maybe now I can sleep a little better...



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Zürich to Amsterdam

I've arrived! Safe and somewhat sound:)

Got suddenly inspired to write on the plane:

The Swiss alps appear as though rocks along a shore.
Breaking above the turbulently shaped clouds.
Their surface appearing rough and uneasy
Discomforting to the passengers who above them soars.
Facing the ever rushing image of water below
Head downwards in despairing,
How can the flyer realize the peace in which the plane dwells.
Beneath and around, the current-less stratosphere,
No water breaks here!
Only the mountain tops above the clouds
As the dawn breaks in the morn.

Written as my departing flight from Zürich ascends above the clouds into a beautiful sunrise. - Jan 23rd 7:30am


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