how to never feel THAT bad about your singing

Okay....so sometimes I get down on myself for feeling like I just cannot sing. But then, I take a look at this and then remember that this woman is still singing and getting hired, even after this...unfortunate performance happened. I suppose nothing is ever as bad as it seems....in fact, after watching this...I'm feeling pretty good about heading into a practise room to just keep on keeping on singing.

::begin again::old is new and new is old::

mon. sep. 13. 2010

i am finally moved into my own room now. completely unpacked. everything in its' correct place. it's nice to have my own space, even though technically it's yashira's space. still. this is much better than being at nick's. i have still vacuumed places that had yet to be cleaned...but because i am my mother's daughter, i suppose that can be expected in any place. now all that remains is to settle in mentally. i think it will prove to be a difficult task considering i have left pictures and scrapbooks at home. so here's a shout-out to you all...if you feel like mailing postcards, pictures, letters, etc...please do:

Sint-Jacobstraat 215

3011DK Rotterdam

The Netherlands

love and miss you all with all my heart. speak soon, xo, CC

::eurosolo::eight::homesick::

Loneliness is not the same as being alone. Many people have times when they are alone through circumstances or choice. Being alone can be experienced as positive, pleasurable, and emotionally refreshing if it is under the individual's control. Solitude is the state of being alone and secluded from other people, and often implies having made a conscious choice to be alone. Loneliness is unwanted solitude. Loneliness does not require being alone and is experienced even in crowded places. It can be described as the absence of identification, understanding or compassion. Loneliness can be described as a feeling of isolation from other individuals, regardless of whether one is physically isolated from others or not. It may also be described as a yearning for love or companionship, which is unfulfilled, but cannot seemingly be achieved, or may stem from the lack of love in one's life, and hence may lead to emotions such as rejection, despair and low self-esteem. Feelings of loneliness may be similar to feelings of the death or loss of a loved one.

People can experience loneliness for many reasons and many life events are associated with it. The lack of friendship relations during childhood and adolescence, or the physical absence of meaningful people around a person are causes for loneliness, depression, and involuntary celibacy. At the same time, loneliness may be a symptom of another social or psychological problem, such as chronic depression.

----my sentiments described perfectly by wikipedia----

I want to go home. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss having someone there for me whenever I need them. I miss being the person that people need. I miss laughing uncontrollably. I miss being myself around people who really know and accept me. I'm lonely...

eurosolo::seven::vocal joy::

As many of you may or may not remember, there was a time when your technique was only just developing and there were few things your voice could really do but phonate. I suppose most of us don't remember this time because we have come a long way in our vocal development. For someone like me--first finding a new voice, then learning to sing it with a new technique--I found that I regressed musically. I cannot communicate to you the frustration I have had in the last couple of months because I could not express musically what I wanted to because of a lack of technique. My graduation recital in Ottawa was a program filled with everything which fed my artistic soul. Every note of everything I sang that evening was from my heart. And so, it was not by choice that I should sing something like Vergin, tutto amor by Francesco Durante, but technically it was all my voice could handle--and needed. In the re-learning of this piece, it has been made clear to me all my old habits and the amount of technique needed to sing every piece...not just the ones we categorize as "difficult".

Now that I have a firmer grasp (albeit, still a long way to go) on my technique I have fallen in love with singing yet again. Now that I am actually able to sing a pianissimo--and distinguish it from a mezzo-piano, a crescendo, a decrescendo, "a piacere" etc etc. it is a thrill for me to sing at all...even Vergin, tutto amor.

This all goes to show how important technique is as a tool for expression. I can say with absolute certainty that I will never take dynamic markings for granted ever again. I am truly finding joy in ever single accent I am required to sing.

=)

::eurosolo::six::a lesson in critical listening::

So I went to an opera put on by a local opera company just to see what the level is like and whether or not I had a good shot of getting work. What I've discovered is that it's a real hit and miss. But I've also discovered that this, the 2nd worst opera I've been to (the first was Don Giovanni at the Komische Oper in Berlin--which I definitely walked out of) still had a full house! It's dedinitely encouraging!

Seeing this opera was also an opportunitly to learn what works and doesn't. So I've included some of my notes which I wrote as quickly as I could directly after the opera to remind myself: enjoy:)

La bohème--Utrecht
Stichting Internationale opera productie

Act 1:
-Interesting staging: obvious that it was an attempt at modernizing for the sake of modernizing
- started out not bad...but started to get way bad
- entrance of Benoit (drunk and singing about woman part)--close enough to the score but not having a woman appear on stage, getting hired and flashing the audience in her lingerie!
- entrance of mimi--couldn't hear the singing
- mi chiamnano Mimi: tempo was so ridiculously slow
- way too much sliding and portamento that was inappropriate even for Puccini!!
- rodolfo's high note was completely messed up-cracking and everything!
- duet at the end when rudolfo was supposed to sing the high note he sung it down the octave and a third under Mimi instead of singing the right notes!

Act 2:
- seriously messy scene!
- childrens chorus was completely missing replaced by bad women singing mixture on and off stage
- chorus staring at the director for cues from the director and then singing out
- sparce chorus: bad voices were completely over exposed.
-musetta: entrance was awkward--the only notes heard were her highest ones which sounded like clucking: literally!!
- quando m'en vo: what is with the crazy staging and costumes?!
- musetta on the lampole, I thought she was going to pretend to strip
- costume was a horrible short red dress with slits on either side up to her waist
- when she and marcello embraced the entire Audience could see her underwear and her crotch!
- exit scene: why were they awkwardly marching in a line?!?!

Act 3
- why is there another woman dressed exactly like Mimi appearing on the scaffolding every time the real Mimi sings?!
- singing much better: someone must have mentioned it to Mimi during the intermission that she could not be heard
- marcello, best in the first half was starting to sing everything flat
- odd staging made it complicated to see what was sung and what was an aside
- Mimi and rodolfo's goodbye was well sung (in comparison to first half) but the staging was horrid: everytime Mimi sung she would turn back to sing towards rudolfo and everytime there was musical interlude she would slowly walk away...over and over again!

Act 4
- Male singers definitely much better than the women
- quartet stuff was good with rudolfo, colline, schaunard getting better but marcello getting worse
- entrance of musetta much better at least in her costume: longer black dress but her singng definitely did NOT improve!
- mimi's entrance: being carried in and set on table but mimi on scaffolding singing
- concept becomes clear: it symbolizes Mimi looking back on herself--a pretty good idea but could've been done so much better
- end was really a thousand times better but for some reason it just fell flat most likely because of what proceeded.
- curtain call had people shoutng bravo and giving standing ovations(?!) I remained sitting of course
- cast was whipped by the closing curtain ar the end of the second curtain call!!

Can't forget the old man behind us who was humming along completely out of tune!!!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch -

::eurosolo::five::could it be an indication?::

So here I am sitting at the doelen enjoying my free tea on a very swanky white couch. I'm here for a choral ensemble concert. The codarts chamber choir ensemble is singing the Brahms Gesänge, Weltliche Gesänge, Neue Liebeslieder and the Schumann Spanisches Liederspiel. The choir is made entirely from Codarts students and get this: SO ARE THE SOLOISTS...all of them. That's right, my friends, there's no special guests to fill the seats....people are here because they're interested in supporting young people in the arts. In fact there is an entire concert series held right here-- where the Rotterdam Philharmonic Orchestra plays--featuring only students from Codart's classical music academy. Oh and in May, the Codarts symphony orchestra will be playing under the batôn of Yannick Nézet-Séguin himself. I must say I am thoroughly thrilled to see the show.

Oh and there are 12 soloists...at the intermission 2 of them got approached for gigs...how's THAT for opportunity?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch -

::eurosolo::four::my issues::

Those of you who know me, know that I am generally pretty easy-going...it takes a lot to get a reaction out of me that I will outwardly express...There's just this one thing that happened to me that I really can NOT leave unmentioned.

Dear Judgmental Singer,

You do not know me. You have only heard my voice once. You are not in a position to discuss everything that is wrong about my technique...especially since I have had this technique and this voice for approximately 4 weeks. My voice type is not determined by "where it sounds high", particularly if it is in my passaggio--which you would have no way of knowing about unless you were sitting-in on my lessons---which you are not. My voice type is determined only by myself and my teacher, whom you have no right to criticize because she is not your teacher. I choose to study with my teacher because I believe there is something to be gained. You chose to study with yours for the same reasons. I do not consider your decision to study with him wrong. I know my weaknesses, and I am working on them. If you feel like you want to give me constructive criticism, I more than welcome it...but please, say it to me. If you are discussing my weaknesses with someone else it is not benefiting me at all. I am passionate about my craft and am dedicating my life to pursuing perfection in it. Unless you have already done this, I prefer you not discuss my singing with others.



Kindest Regards,

Candace--the girl who sang in your class last week

Hockey night in the Netherlands

Waking up at 1:30 am to watch the hockey game: 2 bags under my eyes

Watching a live stream of the hockey game whilst skyping with my parents so I can hear the commentary: considerable bandwith

Realizing just how important hockey is to my Canadian self-identity: priceless


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch -

::eurosolo::three::on the road with abba::

I'm on a train heading to spend valentine's weekend in Germany. I look outside and see captain Jack sparrow, a woman dressed as a cow and a green alien with neon orange leg-warmers....so they DO have Halloween here!...they just call it Carnivale and it happens in Februrary!

Got me thinking of what else they have here:

Stroopwaffels: delicious cookie like things, basically two waffles with stroop (or syrup) in between to stick them together. You can buy them pre-packaged and when you make tea you put it on your tea-cup to melt the stroop in the middle...Soooo good!

Borrelnoten: these would be my dad's favourite...they're peanuts but with a crunchy flavoured outer shell. They're a lot like lays in that you can't possibly eat just one handful.

Bike lanes...everywhere: dutch people are all gorgeous and lean and tall....it's because they are always riding bikes stretching they're legs and getting rid of they hips cause they're on a bike! So I bought one too!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch -

::eurosolo::two...weeks::

So I have officially been in Rotterdam for 2 weeks...to summarize it in two short lists was surprisingly easy to do. I suppose it's indicative of a smooth transition. Can't be a bad thing, can it?

PROS:
- awesome roomies who have provided me support, homesickness prevention, translating and advice on which parts of town to avoid
- awesome teacher who has convinced me in one lesson that coming here was the right choice
- awesome apartment that is warm, clean, safe and isn't an hour-long bus ride to downtown
- a huge market with fresh fruits, vegetables, meat, cheese, various appliances, clothing and shoes outside my apartment every Tuesday and Saturday
- literally 50 strides (30 if you've got long legs) from the shopping district
- Winter in Rotterdam = Spring in Ottawa
- English TV with Dutch subtitles leading to exponential growth in Dutch vocabulary
- This whole place is flat and for the first time in my life I've enjoyed running outside


CONS:
- my luggage was overweight and I have about 10% of my clothes (no word of a lie, unfortunately)
- I am well suited for long distance relationships...but not suited for long distance friendships =(
- A girl at 24 can still miss her parents
- I've forgotten the sound of silence
- When I look up I see buildings, not stars
- Hockey doesn't exist here...nor does the concept "expansive"....the green-belt and living in Barrhaven really is a good thing

::eurosolo::one::

so if some of you were reading my previous sets of posts entitled Euroblog...you'll notice that this set of posts will be called Eurosolo. I had given it some (not really that much) thought and I decided on eurosolo because this trip is really about me. it's about me gaining experience, me getting to know myself and me following my dream....sounds exciting...you might be surprised to know that i was not at all looking forward to going up until a few days ago. the real changing point for me was realizing that i had my own apartment. this may seem like something really trivial but you have to understand that for 24 years i have lived in my parent's house and have had everything provided for me, and everytime i went to europe, i was living in my boyfriend's house and have had everything provided for me...to me this apartment represents freedom, independence, and most of all self-confidence.

yes, i am going to live my dream...and although i've already found myself...i think that we will get a bit better acquainted with one another...